Saturday, October 18, 2008
nee!!
why's everyone suddenly acting wierdly?
suddenly my own friends are acting like they don't like me.
why? ? ? ? ? ? ?
was it just me or was Asmaa avoiding me again?
it was like she was doing everything to get away from me.
she didn't even smile at me.
well, maybe cuz i didn't smile at her first, but why do I always have to be the first to smile.
she's already breaking her promise to "try and smile more".
and what's up with Farah? she gets all defensive at the slightest irk.
and recently it's been like, "oh, i can't live without asmaa, i don't care about anyone else."
i mean, sure, i hang out with Ria alot now, mostly because i'm sitting next to her.
even so, she kinda forgets about me with Farah around.
then again, Farah forgets about me when asmaa is around.
and asmaa, she doesn't need anyone to forget about me. (lol)
but it's not like i don't forget any of them.
it's just, all of that wierd behaviour's been really weighing down on me lately.
maybe it's gotten worse, or i'm just paranoid.
and trust me, i'd love to say that i'm just paranoid.
and then Saffie, she's neutral most of the time, but seems more comfortable with Asmaa.
-sigh- smay's more loved than she thinks she is.
and me? i'm just a banana peel tossed aside only to trip someone seconds after.
but it's not like i don't have any other friends.
like Dal, but she's got her own clique.
so does Amy.
TT^TT
so i guess the main question now is what am i doing wrong? is God mad at me?
it's really difficult. it's REALLY difficult.
-sigh-
so anyway, today's probably the last day i'll see Cher Sarinah for a long time.
it's sad, really sad.
oh cher, i'll really miss you. ='(
//X_X\\
~zaf~
;
5:00 AM
***
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
kay, so.
am taking a break from studying.
my nose still kinda hurts from all the sneezing and blowing today.
some of u might've noticed the sneezing today. har har.
andd... today's
TUESDAY! so, obviously, took the nap as soon as i got home, cause
TUESDAY = NAP DAYam i not right, fellow maarifians?
(crickets)well, owkay then. so exams start, like, next week.
i'm not sure if i should panic. it keeps coming and going, coming and going.
cuz, seriously, there isn't very much to study.
(what the tooot?!?! u say. is this girl crazy??)
hmph. i guess. kay?
whatever. gonna go back to studying now.
(>^^)><(^^)><(^^<)
dew thuh dance!
<33 zaffie.
;
3:31 AM
***
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
i think,
a whole night of nothing but 45 minutes of sleep is finally taking it's toll on me.
at first i felt terribly lightheaded, like my head was replaced with an air-filled (not helium!) balloon.
it was like my head would fly right off my shoulders at the slightest turn.
and then it was a few hours of hyper-activeness, and high speed (nonsensical) chatter.
and finally what i'm feeling now, slightly heavy with a tendency to fall asleep if i stay still for too long.
so now u ask, why the toot did i stay up all night last night?
two words. sugar rush.
note to self: don't EVA eat chocolates/drink tea/ both before sleeping.
i was wide awake all night, blinking dumbly at the dark.
man, i shoulda dragged my blanket to the living room and watched TV or something.
and then, i was sneezing my face off half the night.
and my room light went on and off, on and off.
until subuh the next morning when i went to the kitchen where my grandma was cooking she asked me, "Firah takle tido eh?"
i was like "uhhhh.... uhh.... *nods*"
and so i continued my futile efforts to sleep till about 8 a.m.
i tried lots of things, warm milk, honey, warm bath.
nothing worked.
in the end i gave up, knowing my body would, at one moment, wear itself out and i'll finally faint of exhaustion.
oh, that sounded gooooood.
it's a very confusing situation to be in, with your body limp and weighing you down, your bones heavy in their muscel casing, whilst your nervous system refuses to accept the fact that it's BEDTIME, DAMMIT.
sending buzzing impulses to your fingers and toes every few seconds.
what dismayed me most was how distorted my face was, deprived of the 8 essential hours of sleep.
my eyebags like mini-cushions, ultimately shrinking my eyes.
finally around 9 am, i folded my arms before me on the computer table and slept like how i'd sleep in class when teacher's not around.
oh, that 45 minutes was wonderful.
my next appointment with unconsciousness came with the 3rd house of the day, my other grandma's.
curled up on my aunt's bed and shut my eyes.
oh, heaven.
i woke up to the sound of (very) loud laughter in the living room.
oh, more kin, lovely.
as much as i desperately wanted to, i knew i couldn't sleep through this one, it'd be embarrassing.
so i grappled around for my long wraparound scarf and half-clumsily put it on.
checked my appearance in the mirror. okay, the components of my face were (fortunately)proportionate.
and....... well, they're still out in the living room now. and i'm still in my aunt's room blogging about sleep on her computer.
i wonder if i qualify as a sociopath, now.
House? what do u think?
right. i haven't done anything particularly illegal, or, in my case, anything that gives me reason to shun society.
aren't those two the same?
X)
well, so ends my hari raya entry.
adieu,
Zaf.
;
2:30 AM
***
who? who?? ME!
